Saturday 11/09/96
Listening to an some audio notes I've been recording on microcassetes.
Interesting how I can sometimes hear myself pausing to pick a right
word - and I finally do, it's the same one I'd pick now.
*
Expression and perception are 2 poles and both free
expression and free (unobstructed) perception are necessary.
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Forgiveness - I am going to forgive myself. As I recall my
past misdeeds, I will let them go one at a time.
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Lying is a method to avoid accusation. Not punishment
itself, but the accusation, unpleasant feelings.
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From too many negative associations comes helplessness
(can't gain control) => anger => hate.
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Motivation disappears not due external circumstances, but
due to a lack of inner solidarity.
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Internalization of God	- if God is inside us, then love for
Gos is also self-love.
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I have picked current incarnation in order to express
myself the best I can.
("This is the deck of cards I've been dealt, so I'll make
the most of it")
*
Belief that love requires me to worry is a direct road to
hate.

Monday 11/11/96
The equality of intents - if my intent is pure, then there
won't ne negative intents directed at me either.
Manifestation may be bad, but not the intent.

And if I remember that having a good intent is all I need,
and I like myself, and I have a positve attitude, then I
can receive the good that comes my way, as well as see
through the bad - see that it's really NOT directed at me.

When I am not struggling with myself, it's much easier to
see what others want and what they are fighting against - my
vision is not fogged.
*
Addition to the 'nothing is as easy as it seems' expression:
'nothing is as hard as it seems'.
Both add up to "Nothing is at seems".
*
Dig this - the way to block the flow of good is to view your good intent
as bad and then prevent its manifesting! By doing that, at
the extreme, I will see all my actions as evil and will
enter absolute procrastination state.

I've done that before.
Interesting, did I really consider myself being so evil?
I guess it depends on the goal - if I wanted to enforce
ideal manifestrtion I was doomed to failure, but kept trying
it anyway, thinking that good intent is not good enuogh. But it is!

Here's an example - I have a cool idea, thinking about
posting it online, but see that manifestation may not be
ideal: people may not undersrtand or they may not
appreaciate, or I won't be able to express it right.
Result - I do nothing.

Sometimes I even get mad at the good intents, since they put
me before a necessity to decide - whether to manifest or
not.

Possibly, when raising a child, in order to prevent him
from becoming perfectionist ("ideal manifestation is a
must", "nothing is good enough"), it's important to be in
good state myself, and see past the appearances.
When I an experiencing inner turnoil, child will annoy
me, even though they don't mean anything bad. He'll be
punished again and again, until he begins believing that
he's evil.
*
It's not possible to require a person to be tolerant, if
he's criticizing himself constantly.
*
Ability to listen to others (and in general, interest toward
others) grows immensely when I experience inner quiet.