Thursday 07/26/96
Creative state, feel that
I am exploring, new capabilities ahead.
I can improve things.
*
If True Self shows up in actions, but not in thoughts,
I may  do right  things, but  never be	able to  enjoy their
results or even follow thru on them.

Monday 07/29/96
I worry how the companies that provide free services can
make ends meet. In fact, this is same as somebody else
worrying that I will starve, while publishing my sites.
svoju stranicu.
*
Renamed "fight against entropy" into "hunt for enthropy",
to stress that I am on the offensive.
Makes sense to rename "methods of entropy" into
"tricks of entropy" as well. Enthropy is afraid, trying to
get me off the scent, running for its life.
*
"Prepare to treat all your emotions kindly... because they
are another colour in our personal palette- would we want a
world without gray or brown in it?	Your inner world has all
colours, too; it's built that way, so don't judge yourself,
ever, ok?."

"I can see I am judging myself, and now am judging myself
for judging myself, I will love me, for being confused, love
me for trying my best to grow.	Good Self, you are doing
your best."
*
Knowledge determines the level of patience.
*
Speaking about false morals - sometimes I try to coerce
others into showing fake politeness.
*
One more explanation why adults drink - it's fun for the
vestibular apparatus. As kids, we had marry-go-around
and swing sets. Now those don't seem appropriate, so what
is left? The bottle.
*
There is distinction between true thought sharing and
drawing attention to get approval.
*
More examples of creating reality:
1) When I came to States in 1990, I loved Jackie Chan
movies, but they were little known here. Now he's a star
here too.

2) Internet - after I graduated in 1993 and lost my access
vua University, I needed it badly, so there it is!

Tuesday 07/30/96
To reduce worry at work, I tell myself: "This is their
problem, I don't care about it, I don't have to solve it, I
won't be in trouble if it remains unsolved".
*
Deletion is a lot
like KILL feature in newsreader -
articles still exist, but you'll never see them and
they don't exist for you.

Entropy says: "How is this realistic, suppressing parts
of the world from my perception?"

Answer: "Realism does not mean I need to focus on
everything, indiscriminately. Realism is selection of
things to focus on, things I need for growth".

Wednesday 07/31/96
Sign of calm state - incredible patience, typing without
errors, easy breathing.

Ability to whistle - in confident state I
whistle loud and take all notes easily. In unresourceful
state - no way.
*
"What is commonly called willpower is nothing but temporary
domination of one desire over another".

"Stop thinking that you must sacrifice yourelf to get
(list).  You must not pay 99 cents to get a penny".

"If doors of perception were cleansed, everything would
appear to man as it is - infinite...".

"If it occurs to one man in a million that he can be poor,
alone, unsuccessful, in poor health, and still be happy,
that one man is a true genius".

"Inner calm is like a revolting beam from a lighthouse that
casts light on surrounding storms, but is perfectly
unaffected and stands undaunted".

"When anxious thinking, planning and deciding come to an
end, anxiety also terminates."

Thursday 08/01/96
Discovery - I easily drop a task when guilt was the only
reason I started it. As soon as guild eases off, I don't
care anymore and I drop it.
This is another argument against that myth that guilt is a
motivator.
Guilt is more like a person who is trying to force me to do
something, so I'll calm him down and will make an impression
of doing the work, without actually doing it.
*
The fact that not every couple in the zoo wants to have
offspring suggests that animals love, and not just
pro-create.

Friday 08/02/96
Reason why technique "what would I do in my best state"
works is that in best state the True Self is much more
likely to be heard.
*
Compare how persistive I am in coding, as compared with
regular life. What makess the difference ?

Monday 08/05/96
Recipe for disaster - right after you win, don't celebrate,
don't praise yourself, don't rejoice, but jump straight into
solving the next problem. Result: feeling that my efforts
are not appreciated, overload and finally, failure.
*
Early symptoms of unresourceful state - lots of errors while
typing, hard to breathe, being easily annoyed.
*
Observation: one of my coworker's standard question is
"What's wrong?" - being negative by default.
(Shekli)

Tuesday 08/06/96
Observations, I get stressed when:
1. Somebody near me is very impatient.
2. When others around me are having problems.

Thursday 08/08/96
Anxiety shows up when things are not going as fast
as I expect them to.

Randalf ("Clerks") is right - being right is pretty
exhilirating.
Maybe I feel bad when I am not because I miss the
ego rush ?

Friday 08/09/96
When I attempt meditation, as seconds tick, I feel more
and more uncomfortable and anxious that I am wasting time.

Monday 08/12/96
Inner voice often works against me, finding counter arfument
to my positive self-talk. Tried it the other way around,
made a negative statement, like "I feel guilty". Observed my
inner voice - it was looking for argument why I shouldn't
feel guilty.
*
Procrastination with email starts when I get an
uninteresting mail - there's nothing to say, although it
would be nice to reply. So, it stays in mailbox for months.
*
Overheard a conversation, example of "both people are
right":
"She's there!"
"I couldn't find her!"
"But she's there!"
"But I couldn't find her!"

Wednesday 08/14/96
"There will be some releasing to do around past resentments,
but just forgive and go on; when the show is over we all go
or a beer, like the World Wrestling Federation guys do!"
*
After True Self (TS) sincerely offers something to another
person, FS (False Self) does 2 things:
1) Makes a list of reasons why I shouldn't give it after
all.
2) Becomes ready to be upset if my offer is rejected.
*
"Think about what makes you feel happy and do that thing."

"Everything that looks like a diversion from the Path, is
just practice in flowing through obstacles."
*
One more conflict of FS - when I read a great book, it
worries about opposite things:
1. That there won't be another good book like this, that a
number of great book is limited and will soon end.
2. That there's too many books, can't read them all.
*
"If you really want to do something, just because you want
it, not because you should do it, or it's logical, but only
because it turns you on, excites you, and totally engrosses
you, then you know you are doing one aspect of your life's
work."

"If it's scary, it's important to do, that's what I'm
learning, so I tell myself, I'm just going to go along into
this experience, and see what's here for me to learn, no
expectation of performance, no thought of judging myself,
just go along and be there.  "It's ok to be afraid", I say
to the little one inside, "It's ok to be afraid, but I will
take care of you, and we will come through this feeling
good, you'll see."  And we do."

"Many of us carry undeserved guilt for being sensitive to
other" people's pain, but not being able to help them.  I
drained all my energy trying to rescue other people, but it
never worked..."

"What does work is to BE A GOOD EXAMPLE of a person living a
happy life; this is the only thing worth offering each
other, when all is said and done.  And when we feel tempted
to try "saving" someone, we can remind ourselves:  1. SEEING
SOMETHING DOES NOT MAKE YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. 2.
RESPECTING SOMEONE MEANS LETTING THEM HURT IF THEY WANT TO
***FREE WILL IS PARAMOUNT!!***"

"...you need do nothing but hold your course, just go to
work and do your best with the rest of your life and all
will fall into place, you have long ago planted the seeds
for this harvest which is about to take place, you need do
nothing, just hold to your path, gently, easily, gracefully,
and everything will be laid out before you."

"By free will alone does the Universe move through its
sequence.  On every level we must live this credo, though it
causes frustration to not just humans but those of us on
other levels, and perhaps even the Mighty One himself, who
may grow impatient and mutter, "Why can't they just Do It?""

"All is well and moving smoothly, you are loved, so
loved in your world and ours, we find it amazing you can
ever think otherwise."

"So clearing involved letting go of that old scene and the
emotions that are not relevant to the present day; it's all
about making us CURRENT, like bringing your bank book up to
date.  What matters is today's balance, and it doesn't
really matter about all the ins and outs that have gone on,
we can just let go of them."